Why Women Take Issue With The Word "Submission"

The word “submission” can be problematic. If you don’t believe me, bring it up in a relationship conversation in a room full of black women and see their reaction. I guarantee, everyone will have the same the opinion. The word submission doesn’t have a good reputation among progressive black women and there’s a good reason why. Not only do we have a hard time trusting a man to lead a household, we are also tired of the message and constant criticism being thrown in our face by married couples who claim to have all the answers. Fantasia and her husband did this very same thing a week ago and it sparked a never ending debate between men, women, and church goers.

I didn’t watch the entire video; I only heard what her husband had to say and cut it off shortly after that. If I’m being honest, I didn’t have a problem with what he said. In summary, he talked about how men need to step up and learn how to create a budget, manage finances, and overall, protect the home. Women aren’t going to trust you to lead anything if you don’t know how to take care of your home. Harmless enough, right? The real problem is when Fantasia decided to give her two cents by stating that women are single because they simply refuse to submit to their partners. Is that what you think it is, sis? As someone who has experienced the ups and downs of dating no good men, how could she even fix her mouth to make a statement like this?

It’s quite frustrating to discuss this topic because not only are men pushing this narrative, but women and institutions like the church push it as well. There’s never a discussion about how men fail at being able to be providers, pay bills on time, protect their family, or just be an a good partner, but let a woman speak up and say she won’t follow a man who can’t lead and she’s met with a “Stay Single” attitude. Why would a ambitious women who’s goal oriented, independent, and successful listen to someone who refuses to keep a steady job or won’t watch his own kids? Make it make sense. Most women would rather be alone than take on that headache. Instead of yelling in my face about it, go talk to these men, and tell them how they need to better themselves in order to gain a good woman.

You know who profits the the most from this narrative? The church. As long as I have attended church, there is always a single women’s ministry or a women’s conference where the same message is preached over and over again telling women how to better position themselves to be a wife. I’m talking about step by step directions, and there are people that eat it up. You know what I rarely hear about? Men’s conferences or sermons that focus on men bettering themselves, seeking therapy, working on communication, and just being a better partner. I’ve attended hundreds of conferences and the message is the same: submit or you’re going to end up alone. Crazy right?

I hope you read this and don’t think that I’m a bitter person or that man bashing is my hobby. I’m just not going to put up with mess for the sake of being in a relationship. Whoever that I end up with needs to understand that we are equal in the relationship. My opinion will matter, and I will be respected. If you as a man can handle finances, pay bills, and hold down the fort, then I have no problem letting you lead. Just know that if the situation changes, don’t let pride keep you from allowing your partner to handle business. It’s that simple. I know a relationship like this is possible because I have seen it. I have strong friends who have husbands that respect and adore them. They know that they are strong capable men, but they also know that they have a strong woman by their side too. They actually relish in it. This is a partnership and I won’t blindly follow someone who makes foolish decisions. That’s not good for either of us or our credit scores.