It's Not Our Job To Educate You
I don’t know why we keep having to tell you this, but I’m here to remind you once more. I know that black women are magic and we set the tone for all that’s dope, but I strongly believe that we weren’t placed on this earth to be your emotional mules or provide unpaid labor. While it’s in our nature to roll up our sleeves and get things done, it’s not our job to educate an entire group on the history of systematic racism. Not when information is easily accessible and most of it is FREE. While it’s been refreshing to see a new set of allies rise up and link arms with us in this fight, I can’t tell you how frustrating it’s been dealing with white people who are relying on their black friends or co-workers to educate them on years of racism. It’s not our job nor is it fair to us to put aside our trauma and center others.
Black Lives Matter demonstration in front of the US Consulate General in Hamburg, Germany. Photo by Rasande Tyskar, used under Creative Commons license.
About a week or two after George Floyd was murdered and the protests started to pick up speed, a colleague reached out to me privately to ask if I was doing okay. She made it plain that even though she could never understand what it’s like to be a black woman, she wanted to make sure I was ok and that she was in full support of what’s going on. That was it. Nothing extra, no making herself the victim, just strictly support. For a brief moment, I had hope that white people were taking the steps to educate themselves.. That all went down the drain when we had our weekly staff meeting and my director opened up the floor for anyone to express their feelings on what was happening. Immediately, one of my supervisors hopped on the call and began weeping. It was the typical routine. The white tears, the “I have a black family member line” and the non-understanding of why people can be so hateful. I’m so glad these video conference calls allow you to turn the cameras off because I was rolling my eyes the entire time.
It’s such a draining experience to to be approached by a white colleague or friend with the intention of being a safe space only to center themselves and become the victim. They claim they want to be ally and want to learn more, but when it’s time to deal with the harsh reality, they become defensive as if you’re attacking them personally. They feel like they are being held responsible for the sins of their ancestors instead of trying to understand why people would be rioting or protesting. I’ve made a point to avoid diversity discussions and group zoom calls about race because they always turn out the same way. They look to me, the black woman, to not only explain the black experience, but to double as a counselor so I can soothe their fears of not being hated. That’s not what I went to school for. I was so thankful when one of my white co-workers chimed and told everyone that they needed to start doing the work for themselves and then sent around a google doc of literature. I yelled out (on mute of course), “Yes, someone who gets it. Google is free and so is the library.”
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one to hoard information and If someone were to ask a question, I would answer. I’m just tired of this expectancy that black women are the automatic go to whenever it’s time to do the real work. Like, you can literally feel all eyes on you when the subject of race comes up in a professional setting. When they do ask you to speak, they don’t want you to say the truth. They just want you to quote MLK or give a soft shoe answer in order to make them feel better. If you do attempt to give facts, you’re speaking too harshly or your creating an hostile atmosphere. People want to be an allies, but they’re not willing to unlearn everything you’ve been taught.
If you’re a non POC and you are reading this, we know that you aren’t your ancestors and that you don’t own slaves. Some of you might not be racists and with that, we aren’t trying to punish you for sins of the past. We are asking you to help dismantle the systems that were created to oppress black people and people of color. Be wiling to acknowledge your privilege, how you benefit from it, and how you can use it in the fight against oppression. Stop expecting black women, or black people in general, to coddle you from the awful truth if you ask to be educated. In no way are we obligated to inform you. Not when Google is free and the library is accessible.
