Even Your Side Dick Needs a NDA and Other Takeaways
After two long weeks, Jada finally went to Home Goods and got the perfect vase, candle, and notebook necessary to bring herself to the Red Table. I’ll admit that I expected her to do something corny like place a mirror in the spot across from her while she waxed poetic about accountability starting with the (wo)man in the mirror. I was pleasantly surprised at the transparent and raw conversation that followed between her and Will. Here are my key takeaways:
1. Jada is better than me because I wouldn’t have admitted to shit. Everybody has those certain dalliances, for lack of a better word, that don’t appear in their actual body count. If you don’t, then you’re a gotdamn liar. Everybody has folks that we wish we could forget about and those we would go for again if we thought no one would ever find out. In this situation, I would have taken this relationship to my grave. If I’m going to get caught up in some bullshit with someone, let it be somebody good! Not someone who throws tantrums and begs for attention when they get it. Also, not someone whose latest hairstyle looks like it belongs in Kelis’ “Milkshakes” video. I honestly didn’t expect her to admit to it, but it seems as if Will put his damn foot down.
You took my heartbeat from me, this is the saddest story!! Photo courtesy of HipHopDx.com
2. Willard Smith was annoyed as hell. While they haven’t openly admitted to it, it’s not secret that they’ve had an “open marriage” for decades. While there have been a lot of rumors and speculation about who they have hooked up with, none of the rumors reached the point where they felt they needed to address them. If Jada had ran the damn Carfax first, they wouldn’t be in this situation! The most important rule of any open marriage is that you do not bring shame, dishonor, or disease into the family with your outside shenanigans. Now, he has to take time away from making another movie that nobody will want to see to address this bullshit. Seriously? “Gemini Man?”
3. The same lawyer who is responsible for Beyoncé’s NDAs is about to have a new client. In this digital age, even your side dick needs to sign an NDA. I thought it was a known fact that hoes have trouble staying in their damn lanes. They can’t wait to hop on Instagram or Twitter to post subliminal messages about who they’re sleeping with or where they’re getting “flewed” out next. Oh, I’m sorry. Folks only thought it applied to women. I’m sorry, men, too, can be hoes and side pieces that refuse to keep their mouths closed. Even if you’re doing something that’s not illegal and is completely consensual, you need a damn NDA if you don’t want anyone else to know about that. It’s just facts, honey.
4. If August Alsina wasn’t in his feelings before this, he’s going to be buried in them afterwards. This woman sat at a table with her husband and said he was nothing more than an “entanglement.” I mean, Will had to verbally push her to call it a relationship. That’s how little August meant to her. He was scratching an itch for her, and once it was satisfied, she went back home to her husband. I guess August felt like a king because he managed to land Jada THEE Pinkett Smith, a woman who has been the fantasy of many men across the world for at least three decades. He got so wrapped up in the optics of the situation that he forgot the rules of engagement – or entanglement. It ain’t none of your friends’ business, it ain’t none of your friends’ business, what we’ll be doing tonight.
If only I’d vetted my dick before I sucked it…Sigh. Photo Courtesy of Tvline
5. The Smiths did not have to be this transparent about their marriage, and contrary to popular belief, they don’t owe us a gotdamn thing. They could’ve completely ignored this entire situation and moved on as if nothing had ever happened. However, they took this as an opportunity to have a conversation about marriage that needs to happen more in the Black community. Most of our elders will question us about when we’re getting married, but they will never tell us about the bullshit and grief that comes with it. When she said that “she wanted to feel good,” I felt that. When she explained that she was trying to work through her own issues by helping August, and she later realized that’s not how it works, I understood her. They didn’t have to share these feelings, and to be clear, we’re not entitled to it just because they are celebrities. I applaud them for essentially pulling a B. Rabbit from “8 Mile,” except they managed to do it without speaking negatively about Papa Doc (read: Auggie).
6. While you may shake your head and wag your finger at “Bad Marriage for Life,” some of y’all are in a marriage that doesn’t work for you and you’re just too chickenshit to admit it. Will and Jada’s marriage may seem unappealing and confusing to some outsiders, but it works for them and that’s all that matters. No one has a picture perfect, textbook marriage. They reached the place in their marriage where they decided that no matter what, they’re not going to have secrets, they are always going to talk to one another, and they will work it out. Instead of talking shit about them, some of you need to take a look at your own marriages and open the lines of communication. Especially those of you who can’t be bothered to tell their partner that they don’t like their cooking, let alone admit to the side piece you’re sleeping with when you say you’re working late.
7. Keep August Alsina lifted up in prayer because Black Twitter is not about to let him live this down. The memes have already started, and I can tell that this is going to keep people entertained through the weekend. Dealing with these issues in private is difficult, but dealing with them while Black Twitter dissects your lyrics and creates memes out of you and Disney movies is brutal. I mean, it hasn’t even been four hours since this episode was released, and he’s already lashing out because he’s finally realized that no matter what he says, Jada’s not going to send him a “hey stranger” text. Hopefully, someone will confiscate his phone before he writes a check that his ass can’t cash, especially not at the Bank of Akeela and the Bee. Leave Keke Palmer alone sir. You don’t want that smoke.
All in all, I appreciated this episode of Red Table Talk, but at the end of the day, their marriage is none of my damn business. Period.
Note: The omission of any comments about August Alsina’s mental health was deliberate because it is not our place to talk on that. Furthermore, I do not believe it was Jada’s place to talk about those things without his expressed and written permission.
