Aug 7

Aug 7 35 Things That “Living My Best Life” Can Be Besides Hoeing—Whatever That Means

Not too long ago, while spending entirely too much time on my phone browsing for memes, natural hair inspiration and OTR II video clips, I stumbled across the following Facebook status-turned-Instagram post on my feed:

Excuse me? Come again?

Also, where’s the punctuation?

The ashy subgroup of the Internet never ceases to show me how ashy it can get—spewing misogynoiristic (Yes, I turned misogynoir into an adjective.) rhetoric, and offering unsolicited criticism of what Black women are or aren’t doing. Seriously, who asked you? So annoying.

Yes, for some women, part of “Living My Best Life,” a slang term that’s become a part of Black Twitter’s vocabulary in the last five to eight years, may entail exploring their sexuality beyond the realm of heteronormative and patriarchal norms that relegate us to objects and suppress female desire. If owning our bodies, choosing who and under what circumstances one can experience our bodies, and demanding the pleasure we deserve makes us hoes, then I’m Head Hoecho No. 1. Meetings are Saturdays at 1 p.m. EDT. Heavy brunch-style hors d'oeuvres and bellinis will be served until we run out.

When Black women are living their best lives, it’s so much deeper than enjoying sex and owning our sexuality. We’re living without restraint. What makes us feel good physically, emotionally and mentally takes priority. We come first. We’re doing what we want, when we want and how we want. What you think sounds like a personal problem.

I can see how this bothers some men though. We’re no longer living for their gaze, consumption, permission or validation. They know that they either need to honor us or get left behind in the dust. It’s so much easier to call us hoes and shame us for ceasing to center our lives around them. Men not being taken into considerations when women make decisions? The horror! Fortunately, we’ve gotten to such a place.

“When Black women are living their best lives, it’s so much deeper than enjoying sex and owning our sexuality. We’re living without restraint.”

So what are some other ways you can live your best life? Here’s 35 things I can vouch for:

Wear that crop top even if your midsection is fluffy, and/or has scars and/or stretch marks.
Travel solo.
Monetize your passion and start a business.
Shamelessly post a sultry selfie to your Instagram feed AND Stories—with as many, or as little, filters as you like.
Twerk in front of a floor-length mirror for 20 minutes.
Eat all the samples at Costco on a Saturday afternoon.
Have a spa day.
Leave him on "Read."
Only say ‘Thank you.’ in response to a compliment.
Unplug an hour before bed.
Try a new recipe and make sure you have a great wine to pair with it.
Volunteer.
Drink water.
Prance around the house in your favorite heels.
Get eight hours of sleep.
Forgive and release someone who hurt you.
Paint your nails an obnoxious color.
Learn to say ‘no’.
Make your bed.
Dance like nobody's watching.
Masturbate.
Spend the day catching up on trash reality TV.
Talk to a stranger.
Learn a new language.
Practice gratitude.
Declutter your home.
Eat lunch away from your desk.
Gas yourself up.
Take yourself to the movies.
Buy yourself flowers or a houseplant.
Resist the urge to clapback in Facebook comments.
Let go of perfectionism.
Take a class—any class.
Burn your Spanx®.
Learn from your mistakes.