Stop Being A Pick Me, Sis

Gather ‘round good sisters, gather ‘round. Now normally, this section is reserved for reading trash men for filth or letting white people know where they had us messed up. However, that is not the case for this article. We created this site to uplift and celebrate black women, but every now and then, we have to read our fellow sisters for their antics. Lately, there has been an uptick in “pick me” behavior amongst our sisters. Grant it, this behavior has existed, but lately it’s been at an all time high. I don’t know if it’s due to quarantine or just that women are that desperate for the male gaze, but it needs to stop. The lengths black women are going through just for the attention of men reeks of desperation and you’re doing at the expense of other black women.

If you’re unsure of what a “pick me” is, I can give you a quick definition. A “pick me” can be defined as a woman who goes to extreme lengths to gain the attention of men or to be chosen by a male suitor. Normally these women will say and do just about anything in order to be appealing to men. Examples of this include women defending rapists or abusers while blaming the victims, criticizing women who they consider to be less than them for their life choices, or being willing to accept the bare minimum from men because they think it makes them more desirable. You know those women that sit on the internet and say things like “I don’t care if he gets me a ring from a cracker jack box” or “I can’t imagine not cooking and cleaning for my man.” Yes, there are actual women who say these things out loud and they put down other women in the process.

I’ve noticed the recent uptick in this behavior may be due to the release of Cards B’s and Meg Thee Stallion’s song “WAP.” When I tell you this song had the “pick me’s” up in arms for days…I had to take a break from Facebook cause there was so many women that were so offended by the song. Nasty lyrics aside, the line that stung them the most was about not cooking and cleaning and still getting a ring. That really shook the table. Want to know why? Proverbs 31 women were taught their whole life that women who carry themselves like Cardi B are not worthy of a ring. Independent women catch heat because we choose to chase dreams instead of chasing men which is why we are still single. No man wants a difficult woman, right? It’s the ones who submit, cook, and clean who are worthy of a good man.

It’s not just the criticism of other women. It’s when they support rapists and abusers that really tick me off. It sickens me when I see a woman taking the side of a man who has proven to be abusive towards women all because they want to be chosen. You don’t believe me? Look at what’s happening to Meg Thee Stallion right now. Sis has released every piece of information to show that Tory Lanez shot her, but yet there are people, mostly women, that still need to hear both sides. Another example is the amount of black women that still support R. Kelly even though countless victims have come forward and there is actual video evidence. Who you do you think is leading the movement to #FreeRKelly? Yep, you guessed it. I can name several problematic celebrities that continue to receive support from women despite their trash behavior. If you’re reading this and still wondering why women display such behavior, the answer is obvious. It’s men.

I’ve said this in several other articles and I will say it again. I know that there are good men out there and I’ve witnessed beautiful relationships so I know it’s possible. The women in those relationships aren’t walking around with rings from a cracker jack box either. It’s why I refuse to settle. What I can’t understand is why women feel the need to go through all these hoops in order prove to men that they are worthy. It’s almost demeaning at times. Seeing women shrink themselves and accept the bare minimum from men in order to gain a partner is not what I want for us and if you believe you display these traits, then I beg you to change your behavior. If you know what you want in man, then stick to it and don’t settle. Don’t be one of those of women out here that are willing to dumb themselves down and walk over their fellow sister in order to appease a man. It’s not attractive and I promise you, the man whose attention you’re trying to get is not interested. They are looking for women who they can water down in order to meet their needs so I suggest you reevaluate your dating standards and stop worrying about fixing him a hot meal because it won’t keep them home.