Stay Away From Men Like Matt and Ryan
To say that I’ve been triggered lately is understatement. It’s that moment when everything seems to line up with the resentment that you are trying to let go of and then all the sudden, you’re back in that negative space. I promise this post isn’t about my personal issues cause that’s the last thing we need right right. This is more of a warning to heed the red flags before you end up in a world of hurt. I’m talking about the disaster that is Matt from “The Bachelor” and Ryan from “Married At First Sight”: two men who are too emotionally defunct to be in a serious relationship, but yet would rather waste everyone’s time. Ladies, if you happen to start dating a man that exhibits these types of behaviors, run far away.
Photo courtesy of ABC’s The Bachelor
There is so much to unpack concerning this latest season of the The Bachelor that I’m not sure where to begin. What I do know is that Matt James had no business coming on this show for more reasons than one. I could dive into that fact that he is the franchise’s first black bachelor, and he felt a tremendous amount of pressure to “pick a certain woman” (meaning a Black woman), even though we, the audience, already knew he wasn’t picking a Black woman.
We started seeing signs early on that Matt wasn't ready to settle down. From him thinking that a situation-ship was an actual relationship, kissing with his eyes open, and telling women “Thank You For Sharing That” after they would pour their hearts out to him. The writing was on the wall, but nevertheless they persisted. What sealed the deal for me was when sat down with his very Black father to discuss their turbulent relationship. Matt kept saying throughout the series that he didn’t want to be like his dad and suffer with commitment issues. The conversation was uncomfortable and shouldn't have happened on camera, but you know gotta get those ratings!
The number one thing that came out of that conversation is that Matt is very much like his father. It’s almost like a flip switched for Matt, and he realized that he actually had to propose to someone at the end of this show. His brother revealed that he had never seen him in a relationship, and one conversation with his mother had Matt shook. He was spiraling super fast to that point that even Chris Harrsion was getting frustrated. In the end, he eliminated our favorite Michelle because we knew she wasn’t up with his flip flopping mess and settled for racist Racheal. Love didn’t win in the end, and I’m so glad that Michelle dodged a bullet. Matt should have sought therapy instead of coming on this show. It’s clear that he still has some residual resentment leftover from his father and he can’t be a good partner to anyone until he heals. On to the next train wreck……
Photo courtesy of Married At First Sight
I had to take a couple deep breathes before starting this section because between Matt and Ryan, Ryan triggers me the most because I’ve dated a man like him and it’s the worst. Remember how I stated previously that if you see the warning signs that you should run? With Matt it was never being in a serious relationship and with Ryan it’s that he has never been in love. If you meet a man that is in either of these two categories, step away quickly. I’m going to tell you why with Ryan.
If you’ve been an avid watcher of Married At First Sight like I have, then you know the concept. Two strangers get married and meet each other for the first time at the altar. It’s sounds crazy, but there are some successful couples that have come out of this show. This season takes place in Atlanta and one of those couples consists of Ryan and Clara. I see what the experts were going for when they matched these two, but they missed the mark on some important things. One of those is that Ryan has never been in love. While I understand that most dating relationships don’t end well, it’s hard for me to imagine marrying someone who’s never experienced that. Not only has he never been in love, but two weeks into their marriage, it’s become clear that Ryan and Clara have not had sex and he’s holding out on her purposely.
Yes, he’s doing it on purpose. The reasoning he gives is because he’s wants to build a solid foundation before they cross that bridge. Ehhh, I wasn't buying that excuse and after their conversation with the sex expert this week, the audience is starting to sense that Ryan might either be a virgin or just sexually inexperienced. Listen, nothing against that at all, but what I have discovered in dating men like this is that they can be extremely selfish and lack emotional maturity. Instead of being honest about their insecurities, they would rather make you feel bad about yourself in order to maintain some sort of control over the situation. On the surface, Ryan presents a picture of perfection, but just like that messy cupboard in his house, there are some deeper issues that muddy the water. While Clara has some flaws of her own, I do give her props for being a great communicator and trying to get Ryan to talk. Instead of being forthcoming, he would rather pick at her and tell her she’s doing too much in order to avoid the real issue. In response, Clara feels like she has to shrink herself to make him feel comfortable. It’s trash behavior and it low-key gives me incel vibes, but I could be wrong.
I could sit here all day and talk about what ways men like Matt and Ryan are harmful to women, but in the interest of keeping this post within the limits, I’m going to encourage you to always choose you. A man should never have you second guessing yourself and question whether you’re good enough. You are, but you have to be strong enough to recognize the signs and act accordingly. Both Matt and Ryan should have sought therapy before going on relationship reality shows in hopes of finding a quick fix to their problems. It’s not fair to these women who are actively seeking partnerships (some are questionable) to have to wade through all these issues. It’s low-key emotional abuse. Both of these seasons have been exhausting to watch and we still have more episodes left of Married At First Sight. I’ve considered tapping out several times, but we are still in a panini press so I don’t have many options. I will tweet through it and pray for better days.
P.S. Word on the curb is that there is more to Rachael’s racist history and that Matt was doing his best not to air her out on the reunion. That blew up in his face real bad.
P.S.S. If you’re looking for write up about Chris, my girl Eve wrote something two weeks ago and she went off. You can find that post here.
