Being Social is Exhausting
No one told me that one of the hardest parts about growing older is making a conscious, and often exhausting, effort to be social. Sure, they forgot to tell me about the cost of health insurance, bills, and the miserable 9-5 workplace, but in my opinion, the biggest omission has been the fact that something that used to come to me so naturally has become the thing that I've come to dread the most.
Being social is hard. Maintaining after work plans is even harder. There are times when it takes everything in my soul to peel myself off my couch to attend a social event. Often, it's not just because I'm physically exhausted, it's because I'm mentally exhausted. I already wear a carefully constructed mask at my 9 to 5 job and going to an after work event means that I have to put on another one. One that completely hides the fact that I would rather be at home on my couch. Add that to the general anxiety that I feel about disappointing my friends by not showing up to certain events, and you have a genuine recipe for disaster. Yes, people have anxiety about staying at home instead of being social.
I'm human enough to admit that I feel bad when I choose not to be social. I can have so many different things going on in my life and a million projects on my plate, but I genuinely feel distress about not going to a girls' night. I'll put off not going, or begrudgingly going, until the last minute. I just don’t want to disappoint my friends. While I know that my friends are understanding when I can't make it to certain events due to work responsibilities and the such, there's always this voice in the back of my head telling me to stop being anti-social. I don't hold it against my friends with children when they "disappear" for long periods of time, so why do I judge myself?
“Social exhaustion is just as real as social anxiety. ”
Could it be because I didn't truly learn about self care and all that it entails to well after my formative years? Honestly, I'm truly learning what it still means. It's not all just bubble baths and "Treat Yo Self" days. Self-care could be admitting that you just don't have the energy to be social on a given day and realizing that it's perfectly fine.Life happens, and as we grow older, we have to create the space for “life” to happen.
You don't have to go to every happy hour, work party, birthday, housewarming, etc. It's perfectly fine to go to an event, show your face for a few minutes, and walk out the door. We have to have grace with ourselves and our friends when it comes to being social as we get older. Don't be so quick to call someone a hermit without fully understanding the ins and outs of their daily life. Some people just can't do it! There are plenty of times where I have found myself explaining why I didn't make it this event or that event. People are quick to dismiss it as, "you just don't like coming out", when in reality it's more of, "my brain and my mind won't let me come out." Social exhaustion is just as real as social anxiety. If someone doesn't answer your phone calls, don't repeatedly call them right back. Leave a voicemail or shoot them a text message. They will get back to you when their world rights itself. And when they do call, don't be accusatory. The worst thing you can do is guilt trip them. Be understanding and give them a listening ear. We could use a lot more of that in this cruel world.
